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"You know who this is, leave a message if it's important."

[Oh shit, is that a big glitzy gift basket on Mercury's desk when he heads in to work? Why yes. Yes it is. The whole thing is wrapped in pink gauze, knotted at the top with a sparkly heart-studded tie, and a card taped to the handle that says 'Merc' in bold letters...written within the shape of a drawn red heart, naturally. Though the gauze isn't completely transparent, it's easy to see that there are some packages stuffed inside, wrapped in white heart-spattered paper. On each gift is written a short note...a pun...that gives some indication of what's inside.]

Card
He actually read the card first? FOR REAL? If not, this is your chance to skip ahead to the gifts and come back later.
Ready?
Mercury,
You know, I wish I could write a poem or something fancy like that. But since neither of us are really fancy people, I guess that's fine, right? Valentine's Day isn't your thing, sure, but doing something nice for you is my thing, so I guess you're just going to have to deal with it! ♥
Anyway, I just want to let you know how much I care about you. Like, l-word level care. I'm not saying that because I expect any romantic declarations or grand gestures. You give me all I need, just by being there for me every time I needed you. The things you do, the way you treat me...it's better than anything you could say, you know?
Thanks, for helping me get stronger, and carrying me through those few times when I had to be weak. You're the best boyfriend I could ever have.
Bear Hugs and Kisses,
Yang

Gift #1
'Because I never want our time together to be brief.'
This one probably comes as no surprise. It's not like she's been hinting about it pretty much from the beginning, even before they started dating officially. If he wants to model them off and send her a picture, Yang won't object to that. ...But Garrus might.

Gift #2
'Baby, you were scent from heaven!'
Honestly, Yang has no idea what kind of cologne Mercury even likes. But the art for this scent was so friggin' badass, she had to get it. Hopefully it isn't terrible.

Gift #3
'You totally rock my world!
It's a rock. What the shit, that's not romantic. --Oh wait, there's a note taped to the bottom that says 'Just kidding!' with a USB drive taped to it. Insert it into your computer and it's a list of power ballads that Yang likes, and thought he might enjoy too.

Gift #4
'There's no one I like bed-der than you.'
Oh ho ho, looks like it's some black silk sheets. Probably best to save those for the summer...or when Yang gets cuddly, she's way too warm.

Gift #5
'I dig you a choc-a-LOT!
It wouldn't be Valentine's Day without a metric ton of chocolates. Nothing clever here, just a traditional classic assortment of flavored truffles.

Gift #6
'Your affection cures what ales me!'
A four-pack of beer! ...GINGER BEER!

Gift #7
'I'm STAR-ting to fall for you!'
This one is just an envelope. Inside, however, is a pair of tickets to the planeterium. He said he likes watching the sky, so...why not watch space?

Gift #8
'When we get together, it's dino-mite!'
Wow, the stupid pun is even printed on the gift itself. Maybe she should go into marketing. Either way, that's about as manly as a stuffed animal can get, and it'll look cute on his desk. Take it.

Gift #9
'I hope all these puns aren't too corny for you.'
This gift is one that Yang actually made herself. Popcorn is his favorite food, so she made it valentine-y, by stirring in a little strawberry gelatin with the corn syrup to give it that red color and a sweet fruity flavor.

Gift #10
'Whenever you needle-little lovin', you know who to call!'
This present isn't wrapped, because that might be dangerous. It's a little desk cactus! And the middle heart has googly-eyes loosely glued onto it. He can take those off.

Gift #11
'I adore you, it's understhood!
This package is tucked away more toward the bottom, and it's squishy to the touch. Inside is a warm gray hoodie with his winged shoe logo emblazoned on the back in steel blue. It should keep him warm when Yang's not around to do the job.

Gift #12
'I'll never be a fair-leather friend.'
This package is flat and palm-sized. It's also got a strong scent to it even before it's unwrapped. Inside is a boot-shaped air freshener that smells like leather.

Gift #13
'You push all the right buttons.'
Why, it's the greatly anticipated sequel to the best-selling RPG/first-person-shoot-em-up video game of 2017: Kill Butt 2! Rated M for Major Explosions of Blood.

Gift #14
'You've got the key that unlocks my heart.'
This one is an envelope with a small lump inside. Unseal the flap, and written underneath is an additional note that simply says 'For luck!' Tucked inside is a three-inch lock of gold hair, neatly tied with a small orange ribbon.

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[Morning Delivery - No Yangs Here]